life in three hours

i had a conversation with a friend through facebook im and i remember how long the conversation went. it wasn't supposed to take three hours for us to discuss his short story in progress which he asked me to give insight and give comments to but we did and ended up talking about topics regarding life in general.

his story is about a man, desperately searching for someone whom he can share his thoughts on and understand him. so he sent a message, put it in a bottle and threw it in the ocean in order for him to know that there is indeed that someone. apparently, he got a reply after years and years of waiting. and it struck me how this man actually waited for so many years just to find that one person. our conversation wound up covering the story and some other topics that are implied throughout the story. we talked about the human spirit and how amazing that one can persevere even with just a tiny glint of hope. we talked about how the world is so corrupted that everyone's thoughts have been meddled upon through the years without even knowing it that sometimes it is really difficult to find that one uncorrupted person whom you can talk to.

it's true that people when people grow old, they change. change, after all, is inevitable. but when or how can we really know if it's time for the change? if we really should change? true, that when we grow old and start to live our lives, we somehow become this different person, much different than who we were before that it becomes sad and tiring because sometimes when you suddenly stop and think about everything, you realize that you just lost a part of you. a part of you which was once the most important thing and the thing that you have been protecting the most from the world. but... we also come to realize that everything is transient so there are times that we just shrug it off and just say "oh well" which sometimes is quite the opposite thing that is supposed to happen.

some people say that it is the reality and there is no way of escaping from it so you might as well do it in which they do have a point. but what is reality? how can we know which is real when everything in this world is based upon perception? this may be the reality that we are living in but what if, WHAT IF, the things that we perceive as reality is entirely different from what we have been used to? because of the reality that we are in, my friend said that happily ever after does not exist. he asked me what if when the time comes that he would just want to live in a farm (or was that the countryside?), with a beautiful woman that he loves, with their children and live there for the rest of their lives happily ever after. the end. he said it will not happen. why? just ask yourself why. we all know the answer. the thing is, it's how it was supposed to be. because it's the reality that we grew up in. it's the reality that we know. it's the ONLY reality that we know for that matter.

so no matter how hard we try not to conform, human nature takes over and before we know it, we're already one of them. we're much like wolves and sheep. we try to be the best we can to fit into the group. because if you're a sheep and you try to fend off wolves by pretending to have fangs like them, the herd disowns you because according to them, it is not in your nature to be that way (read the parable of the sheep by charles riggs). but some of us are wolves in sheep's clothing while some are sheep in wolves' clothing and we do that not because we like to. we do it so that the herd will not disown us. we do it in order to survive.

in truth we are like the man in my friend's story (click here for the story - too bad for those who don't have facebook accounts); constantly at search for that someone who thinks the way we do. someone who understands and says "yes. i know." and when we find that person it's like a big sigh of relief. an affirmation that we are not alone.

as far as happily ever after is concerned, i hate to burst your bubble but it really does not exist. what's sad is that we have to wear our wolf costume or sheep costume sometime. then again, happily ever after is subjective. our lives are ours. not something that is dictated by some kind of system or an idea of reality whatsoever. after all there are so many ideas to choose from; why just choose one? whatever that is, live. and it's up to you how you make the most out of it may you be a wolf or a sheep.

pagpasok mo sa entrance, derecho lang. sa may bandang kanan ng jollibee.

nakita ko sya nun. long hair at medyo may edad na pero hindi parin maikakaila na magaling parin at hindi man lang nanginginig ang mga kamay habang iginuguhit ang isang litrato mula sa isang magasin palipat sa karton. gusto ko sana kausapin at tanong-tanungin tungkol sa kanyang napiling propesyon pero mukhang abala sa pagguhit at mukhang ayaw paabala. kung makikita mo ang mga naiguhit nyang mga larawan na nakadisplay sa kanyang tindahan na tila isang stall lang na nakatayo sa gitna ng pasilyo sa isang mall e hahanga ka din. pero kung mapapansin mo ang "tindahan" nya eh meron pa syang kahati na ale na nagbebenta ng mga kung ano-anong borloloy. si ate yung nakabalandra sa harap habang si kuya yung nasa bandang likod. hindi ko mapigilan na panoorin sya dahil magaling talaga sya. kung hindi lang puro artista ang mga iginuguhit nya at nakadisplay sa stall, mas matutuwa siguro ang mga tao at mas matutuwa sila. mas maaalala rin nila siguro sya.

siguro nakita mo na rin sya. pagpasok mo sa entrance, derecho lang. sa may bandang kanan ng jollibee. yung isang stall sa mall na may mga portrait ng artista. oo, sya yun. seryoso at nakatungo habang may iginuguhit na larawan. hindi ka rin nya siguro masyado pinapansin pero siguro naman naintindihan mo kase alam naman natin na hindi madali ang ginagawa nya. may mga tao rin na kumakausap sa kanya pero konti lang kase medyo mailap din sya sumagot. napansin ko, kakaunti rin yung mga tao na tumitigil at tinitingnan ang mga naiguhit nya. parang mas madami pa yung lumalampas at hindi sya napapansin kesa dun sa mga tumitigil. hindi ako naaawa. dahil alam ko na hindi naman rin nila gusto na kinakaawaan sila.

pero bakit ganon? kung sino yung mga magaling at may karapat-dapat na maipagmalaki e sila yung mga dinadaan-daanan lang ng mga tao na para bang wala lang. na parang napaka-ordinaryo ng ginagawa ni kuya. oo ordinaryo man pero hindi lahat ng tao kayang gawin yun. pag dumadaan sila sasabihin nila "ay ang galing.", sabay lakad naman palayo at hindi na ulit maaalala kahit kelan. tsaka na lang ulit nila maaalala pag nakita nila ulet. pero hindi parin nila maaalala na sya mismo yun. na sya yung long hair at medyo may edad na at seryosong nakatungo habang may iginuguhit na larawan. sana pagbalik ko, andun parin sya.

Salamat Kiko. Paalam.

walang bagay sa mundo na panghabangbuhay. tulad ng tao. lalo na mga tao. kahit mga tao na naging diyos na sa mata ng iba. nakakalungkot pero ganun talaga. dahil kung hindi panandalian ang buhay, mawawalan ng saysay lahat.

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bata pa ko nun, grade school. nakikisabay lang sa mga trip ng kapatid ko. nung naging sikat ang "mga kababayan," bumili si ate ng casette ng album ni francis m. na "Yo!" pinakinggan ko. nagustuhan ko agad. hindi dahil pogi sya, hindi dahil sikat sya, kundi dahil sa mga kanta nya na kung papakinggan mong mabuti ay tatatak talaga sa buong pagkatao mo. mga problema ng bansa, ng mga tao, ng mga pilipino. mga katotohanan. malinaw nyang sinasabi sa kanyang mga kanta ang mga gusto nyang iparating. walang pasikot-sikot. sa kanya ko natutunan ang pagmamahal sa bansa at sa sariling wika. kaya isa sya sa mga naging inspirasyon ko hindi lang sa larangan ng musika kundi pati na rin sa buhay.


Salamat. Salamat sa musika. Salamat sa inspirasyon. Paalam Kiko.



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